The Stalker (2010)

The Stalker
By Gabrielle Coppola

(Word count: 3301)

Didn't want to leave you with the wrong impression
Imbruglia

Oh man. There he is again.
His dark clothes made him fit right in at the shadowy end of the book cases. I found it a little cliché that a guy like him liked to stay in the dark. He wasn't scared of it, because he knew that was the creepiest thing in it.
He wasn't looking at me this time. He was looking hard at the spines on the books. Too hard. I refocused my eyes on the poster that told you which section that aisle was. Home and Gardening. He didn't even own any plants. His place was darker than those shady book cases. He had thick curtains which he never opened. There was also a faint smell of dampness. Just like a cave. He lived in it alone.
I rolled my eyes and turned back to reading the second volume in the Anita Blake series. It was usually best to ignore him. To act like I didn't even see him lurking. Pretend to be busy. That way he didn't talk to me. Most of the time.

How did we get here
I used to know you so well
Paramore

It started when I met him at a party. It was a party one of my friends, Nelly, dragged me to. She thought it would be good for me to try and meet people. But it's always been my opinion that dark rooms with music so loud it prohibits intelligent conversation are not exactly conducive to building worthwhile relationships. I was right. I just didn't know it yet. So I let Nelly fill me up with rum and coke.
At some point I wandered off to sit in an even darker corner of the party, away from the obnoxious vibrations of the speakers. I hadn't seen him at first, with his dark hair and his dark clothes. He was part of the general darkness.
I was sitting right next to him before I realised he was staring. Not in the harmless way. But in the watching way.
"You don't like the noise either?" I said loudly, competing with the music. I broke a sheet of ice. He smiled. It didn't make me nervous then when I saw that smile.
"I just don't like this music," he said. After my fourth drink I had stopped noticing the songs. I only acknowledged noise. But now that he mentioned it the rhythmic beating with no lyrics to speak of irritated me too. And it was too warm in there.
"Wanna go outside?" I asked him. His lips twitched up at the corners and he nodded. We got up and left

Sweet dreams
are made of these
who am I
to disagree
Lennox

We wandered around outside, not going too far. We found a bridge over a small creek and sat. We talked.
"I get the impression that you don't like scary movies," I joked, of course. His pointed jewellery and his black eyeliner muttered Gothic to anyone glancing.
"Really? Well obviously I need to work on my image," he said as he cracked his knuckles, "because I bet you can't name one I haven't seen."
I started to guess, "Perfume?"
A bizarre one.
"Seen it."
"The Orphanage?"
A foreign language one.
"Seen it."
"Human centipede?"
Only just released.
"Seen it."
I narrowed my eyes at him playfully.
"Paranormal Activity Two?"
"Seen it."
"What! But that one's not even out yet!"
"Arrrr," he made a pirate noise sarcastically.

Oh, look what you've done
you've made a fool of everyone
a fool of everyone
a fool of everyone
Jet

He seemed nice actually. Friendly. Funny, in a quirky kind of way. And he wasn't ugly. We exchanged cell phone numbers. I might have walked home with him that night if Nelly hadn't txt me to meet her at the bus stop around the corner and go home with her.
I said goodbye to him and we promised each other we'd have a horror movie night the following weekend. And I kept it. I went to his place and we watched his pirated films on his computer in the dark. We ate an obscene amount of junk food. We never touched each other. And it was a good weekend.

Some of them want to abuse you
some of them want to be abused
Lennox

I had only known him a couple of weeks when he started making visits to my house, totally out of the blue. Didn't txt, didn't call or anything. Just came around and knocked on the door. The first time I was busy having dinner. I didn't invite him in. He just waited outside on the sidewalk for 20 minutes then txt me,
"R u dun yet?"
I didn't come out again, I just txt him back,
"Soz, 2 tired 2 hang out 2nyt. Cu l8r".
It didn't occur to me until about 45 minutes later that I'd never brought him to my house before.
How do you know where I live?

The second time Nelly was over. She answered the door for me. Before I knew it, he was in my living room and about to sit on my couch. Nelly had a funny look on her face. I got the distinct impression that she hadn't invited him in. Especially since we were getting ready to go over to dinner with her family. She'd invited me to keep her company because she said all her parents' friends and their teen-aged children were either boring or annoying. Not to mention she got along with her brother, Nathaniel, terribly. He was only 10 months older and they were practically twins. Except that he still thought gas was amusing. Boys just don't grow up as fast as girls, and he had a bit of catching up to do.
"We're actually kind of busy right now-" I said, cutting myself off before I said 'getting ready'. I didn't want him trying to follow us. I didn't have a really good reason for thinking that he would do something like that, other than the fact that he somehow knew where I lived. And he hadn't even warned me he was coming over, he'd just waltzed inside. It made me feel uneasy.
"Busy doing what?" he asked. I gave Nelly a sharp look. Her eyes widened a little around the rims. She didn't say anything.
"It's not really your business," I said and took a breath. I felt myself heat up, "and if you plan to visit it's actually polite to ask permission in advance. Now please go."
You'd be surprised how much guts it can take sometimes to put someone in their place. For what it was worth, he narrowed his eyes and then left. Not without guilting me with txts right afterwards though.
"I thawt we wer frends," and "I ws jst sayng hi."
I didn't txt him back.

Silence
chokes the flower
Delirium

"Was he the same guy from that party?" Nelly asked me on the way out the door. I told her all about it and she said it was definitely not right. She said he reminded her of a guy she once knew who gave a family friend some trouble. They'd had to take out a restraining order on the guy.
For the next month and a half he left me alone. Kind of. He kept coincidentally turning up to wherever I was. Parties. Supermarkets. Shady corners in libraries. But we didn't speak. I pretended not to notice.
After a while of this I felt guilty. It seemed like I was treating him badly. I became friends with him and then freaked out and started ignoring him. And he wasn't such a bad guy. He was just a bit different. Misunderstood.
I felt sorry for him and so I invited him to drinks with me, Nelly, Nathaniel, and a couple of other friends. We went to a small bar with a fire place and leather couches. We all sat around a table. He was quiet. He txt me while we were right next to each other,
"Hey, plz dnt leav me alone w/ thes guys."
I went to go to the bathroom at one point. When I came out, he was waiting right by the bathroom door. We went back and he only wanted to talk to me. It became clear that he couldn't care less for my friends. He kept scooting his chair closer to me. I felt crowded. After one and a half rum and cokes I stopped drinking. I just played with my straw in the ice. He wasn't drinking anything.
He was making me really uncomfortable. I remembered how bad I'd felt after confronting him the last time, and so I wasn't really feeling up to telling him to back off this time. But it must have read all over my face because Nelly cleared her throat and nudged Nathaniel hard. Nathaniel shoved her back gently. Then he leaned over to me and him and said,
"Hey, could you give her some space?"
Everyone looked at him beside me. He only looked at me.
"Do you think we need space?" he asked me. I looked up at him guiltily. It was really quiet and awkward. Then I said,
"You are suffocating me a bit."
I could feel cold sweat. Why couldn't he just be a normal friend who understood the usual boundaries between people.
He looked coldly at Nelly and Nathaniel. Then back at me. He stood up with a jerk and left without saying anything. I felt guilty for upsetting him again. He didn't txt me right away this time. I think that made me feel even worse.

Oh, oh, starry eyed
hit, hit, hit, hit, hit me with lightning
Goulding

"You all right?" Nathaniel asked me. I bit my lip. When I mentioned that Nathaniel and Nelly were practically twins, it was putting it mildly. They both had shiny auburn hair and creamy white skin. They had the same warm, hazel eyes and strong cheekbones. They were both beautiful, and if it weren't for Nathaniel's broad shoulders, shorter hair and a small bend in his nose from when he picked a fight with Nelly's ex in year 11, you could be mistaken that they were sisters. He had something androgynous about his appearance.
"Yeah, I'm all right now. Feel kinda bad about the whole thing though. He's a nice guy. He just has issues with boundaries. But thanks, Nate," I said. Nathaniel nodded.
"Well just promise you'll watch your back around him, he gives me the creeps."
Nelly wasn't even paying attention anymore.

My religion is you
Gaga

We stayed after he left. We didn't notice that he'd left his bag behind for quite a while. Nelly was the first to see it.
"Hey, whose bag is this?"
She pulled the strings open. She pulled out a pencil case, a wallet and a black notepad. Nelly looked inside the wallet.
"It's definitely his," then she opened the notepad, "oh my gosh, this guy is really something," she almost laughed, but her tone was laced with something thick and accusatory.
"I don't know if we should be looking at that," I said.
"No, I think we really should," she said. She opened the notebook near the back. There was a photograph. Cell phone quality and printed on computer paper. It was me and Nelly. We were all made up. Leaving my house. It was from the night we'd kicked him out before going to Nelly's family thing. But Nelly had been scribbled out with a ballpoint pen.
"Sick fuck," Nathaniel muttered.
"Wow, I suddenly get the feeling he doesn't like me very much," said Nelly.
"Yuck," Kath said.
Nelly flipped through some more pages. There were quite a few sketchy looking drawings of a girl with long, dark hair. Kinda like mine. I felt sick.
Halfway through the pages, there was a gum wrapper taped in. I can't prove it, because Juicy Fruit is a pretty popular flavour, but I suspect it could have been the wrapper I left on a desk at the library a week or two ago when I was feeling lazy. I remember because I felt guilty after I'd left and seen a bin on my way out.
Nelly flipped through more pages. And then she started reading lines from it out loud.
"Her hair is like ebony silk."
"Olive green eyes that see through to my soul."
"Her delicate neck."
"Fresh, tender skin."
"She gets me."
"She wants me."
"Fate."
"Forever."
"Soul mate."

"He is fucking obsessed with you, Eva," Nathaniel said to me.
They were right. The guy had some pretty messed up fantasies. The rest of the night consisted of Nelly reading to us all of his most personal thoughts. I could feel my innards strangling themselves around each other. By the look on Nathaniel's face, he was feeling something similar. Nelly was raving. Angry. Excited.

I'm losing patience now
leave me alone
stop asking for more
I'm going home on my own
just leave me alone
Portishead & Imbruglia

I took his bag home with me. I knew I'd have to give it back to him myself. But I was scared now. I couldn't deny that he was fixated on me. His deniability was totally gone. I didn't know what to do. I waited for him to txt me first. He did.
"Hey, r we stil frends aftr th othr nyt?"
I didn't think so.
"I hav ur bag."
"K, il cm & gt it l8r 2nyt."
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. No.
"K."

I need a hero
Frou Frou

Pick up. Pick up.
"Yo?" it was Nathaniel's voice.
"Oh, is Nelly there?"
"Ah, did she forget to tell you? She's babysitting for Aunt Nikki tonight."
"Oh. No, she didn't forget. I forgot. Thanks any-"
"Are you alright?"
"Um, yeah, why?"
"You don't really sound it. If it's that creep-"
"I'm scared."
"You'd be stupid not to be."
"He's coming over to get his bag from me. Tonight."
Click.

Tripping down to your place
what is love anyway
Vickers

It was 30 seconds after that that Nathaniel txt me that he was driving over. And about twelve minutes after that he knocked on my door.
"Hey, Eva."
"Nate, you didn't have to do this."
"Well, Nelly won't forgive me if I let anything happen to you."
"Fair enough, I guess. Come inside."
I locked the door after him.
It was sudden for him to rush over. But I knew Nathaniel. Trusted him. There was something endearing about him being protective. And I felt much better with him around.
It was early in the evening when Nathaniel arrived so we watched Day of The Dead until it got dark.

We should have closed the curtains.

Here we are
a careful distance
here's my heart
what's left of it
Vickers

We were on the couch together. It was a small couch. And he was warm.
"Eva?"
"Yeah."
"You know how I said before that Nelly wouldn't forgive me if I didn't look after you?"
"Mhmm."
"I really meant..."
"What?"
"That I wouldn't forgive myself..."
"Nate..."
I was glad it was dark so my face didn't show red like I could feel it was. My mouth pulled at the corners as I tried not to smile. I put my head on his shoulder. He put his mouth to the top of my head. I felt safe.
A short while after that we heard a car alarm going off really close by. It went for a solid ten minutes without stopping so Nathaniel got up to go and check if it was his. I stayed inside. After a minute the alarm stopped. But Nathaniel didn't come back right away. I waited five minutes before I txt him,
"Ws it urs? U cming bak soon?"
Nothing happened for another five minutes. Then there was a knock on the door.

You're the boy who murdered love
cold hands and a heart of stone
Vickers

"Nate, what were you up to?" I said as I opened the door. But it wasn't Nate. "Oh, it's you..."
"Nice to see you too," he said, "so, my bag?"
His voice was casual. But there was something wrong with his eyes. His skin glistened lightly under the harsh porch light. He kept taking tiny steps forward like he wanted to come in. I didn't want him to. But I had to step back to pick up his bag, and he stepped in when I did that. He didn't get more than half a metre inside though. Not enough to close the door behind him. Thank goodness.
"Um..." I wasn't quite sure how to tell him. To confront him all on my own. My knuckles felt stiff on the bag handle.
"What is it?" he asked.
"When we found your bag... Nelly looked through some of the things so we could make sure it was yours."
His jaw tightened when I mentioned Nelly. I continued quietly, "she opened your notebook..."
His eyes stopped moving. They seemed to be focussed on something far away.
"Oh," he said. I held his bag out to him.
"I'd... kind-of-please-like-you-to leave me alone from now on."
I felt hot with frustration and cold with fear at the same time. I wanted him out of my house. I wanted him out of my life. He was so invasive.
"You shouldn't have done that," he said.
He snatched his bag from me. That's when I noticed the skin on his hands was torn, like he'd grazed his fingers all over. He slammed the door when he left. It shook the entire hallway.
I was trembling so hard that I knocked my own knuckle while trying to lock the door again. I got my cell phone out and txt Nathaniel again,
"He came whle u wer out Nate! Plz cm bk, im so creepd out."
Nothing for five more minutes.
"Nate plz! I need u."
Nothing.

I was freaking the fuck out. I gave up txting and rang Nate. But it just rang and rang. He wouldn't have left me like this. Would he?
I put my shoes on and unlocked the door. Outside the streetlight was flickering. I hated it when it did that. I walked until I found Nate's parked car on the street. It was off. Empty. But the driver's door on the other side was open. I shone my cell phone at the curb so I wouldn't trip in the dark. There was black fluid making its way along the gutter.
Wierd.

Standing over him
he begged me not to do
what I knew
I had to do
'cause I'm so in love with you
Good Charlotte

I screamed. I screamed like bloody murder. 'Cause that was what I thought it was. The dirty boulder lay next to Nathaniel's beautiful, bleeding head. I called the ambulance anyway. Good thing I did, because he wasn't dead yet. He'd lost some blood, had a bad concussion and had eight stitches put in his head, but no permanent damage except for the small bald spot from the scarring. He'd been hit pretty hard.

The police couldn't find him. His place was abandoned. That was when I realised how much I didn't know about him. I didn't know where he came from or where he would have gone.
In a way I feel less safe when I don't see him around anymore. I can't keep tabs on him anymore. Like when you see a spider in your bedroom, and you don't catch it fast enough so it gets away. You can't see it anymore, but you know it's still there somewhere. It might never bother you again. But you still know.